CELEBRITY
Breaking News: Philadelphia Eagles’ Owner Jeffrey Lurie Stealthily Announced that he and his wife, Tina, are divorcing after 12 years of marriage.
Ah, the Philadelphia Eagles. My beloved Philadelphia Eagles. Would it kill you to just have one game where you just, like, coast? Good lord.
A decisive 31-17 win over one of the best teams in the National Football League and my blood pressure was still through the roof. What gives? We are 7-1, we have a standout candidate for Defensive Rookie of the Year and yet, we cannot just mollywhop these fools, they have to hang around until the very last second? Come on, guys.
Jalen Hurts, our beloved quarterback. I love Jalen Hurts. You love Jalen Hurts. If you do not like Jalen Hurts, I am shocked you have read this far and can read at all.
But in any sense, daddy’s been off his game this year. Some seriously nasty picks for a guy who went to the Super Bowl last season. It is putting gray hairs on my typically luscious curls.
AJ Brown, though, that man truly has my heart. Five consecutive games with 125+ receiving yards? You are a saint. Love you buddy.
Jason Kelce, I also adore and he has been playing very well, but frankly, he might be the most responsible for my stress about this season.
Dude went ahead and dropped the saddest NFL Films documentary ever made right onto Amazon Prime and expected me to not starve for a ring this season! You know, “an underdog is a hungry dog,” that whole spiel? I am hungry now, Jason! I wanna see that bling on your finger!