Breaking News: Eagles owner Jeffrey Lurie Makes Ex-Wife Christina the New Assistant Manager to the Eagles Club and Will still remain in charge of the team’s charity efforts Despite Being Divorced for 12 Years

AJ Brown, though, that man truly has my heart. Five consecutive games with 125+ receiving yards? You are a saint. Love you buddy.

Jason Kelce, I also adore and he has been playing very well, but frankly, he might be the most responsible for my stress about this season.

Dude went ahead and dropped the saddest NFL Films documentary ever made right onto Amazon Prime and expected me to not starve for a ring this season! You know, “an underdog is a hungry dog,” that whole spiel? I am hungry now, Jason! I wanna see that bling on your finger!

You may be thinking, “Colin, maybe the problem is not the Philadelphia Eagles, who are mostly winning by the way, maybe your problem is you are stretching yourself too thin and you have been ever since “Godzilla vs. Kong” came out and now you are grieving on top of that.” And while all of those things are very specific and I am not sure how you pinpointed “Godzilla vs. Kong” as the true turning point of my life, let me ask you this: if you dropped $90 on a Jordan Mailata jersey, wouldn’t you want him to get some more blocks?

I am a tired, tired man in my old age, 21 years old. I can’t spend any given Sunday this stressed about my beloved Birds.

Sure, the Philadelphia Phillies have my back, shoutout Trea Turner, but baseball is rarely as explosive as football! When’s the last time you saw a baseball player come barreling towards Matthew Stafford like a bat out of hell? Never, but Haason Reddick did it in Los Angeles! Two plays in a row! The most villainous sacks I have ever seen.

But even with those two breathtaking sacks, that game was still brutal until its final moments. Jake Elliott, man. He has bailed out those beloved Birds so many times.